Car Company Shipping Record Number of Brand Repair Kits
Toyota, still reeling from several product recalls over the last several weeks, has announced its latest repair effort. This one is designed to address that most intangible of problems, consumer fear. “We realize it is not important whether members of the Toyota family are safe or not, what is important is that they feel safe,” noted Ishuru Samaguchi, head engineer of Toyota’s brand safety division. “We believe we have come up with a correction for the problem that should insure a higher quotient of warm and fuzzy feelings going forward.” Toyota is releasing the upgrade in a barrage of TV, radio, print and internet adds over the next several weeks. “We have tested the repair extensively with a number of focus groups and have found that the majority of subjects report a greater sense of well-being and positive attitude upon viewing the upgrade,” Mr. Samaguchi added.
Federal investigators began looking into problems with the Toyota brand after receiving several 100 reports from consumers. “I’ve been getting a lot of negative comments about my Sienna and I’m not happy about it,” says longtime Toyota owner Steve Plenderhaff of Houston, Texas. “It’s really hurt my feelings and seriously damaged my self-esteem. I’ve always been a proud Toyota owner. I got my first box like Corolla when I was in high school back in the 70’s. I got my first DWI in that car. Would have been the first car I got to second base in if my buddies hadn’t shown up at the wrong time. Sheila Martin. That was her name. Boy she was something. Never go to go out with her again after that. Anyways, it’s getting pretty hard holding my head up these days, what with everybody making jokes and nasty comments about anything Toyota. I drive as little as I can. I sure hope they can fix the problem soon cause I’m getting low on groceries.”
Rep. Chandler offering his perspective on a recent fact finding visit to the Toyota plant in his district. "Don't give me excuses. Just fix the damn thing."
Not since the federal bailout of GM has there been such a large brand recall by an automaker. “The difference here is that they did it to themselves,” said GM spokesman Herman King. “We were making really great cars and then this financial thing happened and it all went to shit but it wasn’t our fault. We deserved help and all that bailout money. Toyota? Their just screwing up and need to be held accountable. They took a really great brand, not as great as ours mind you, and ran it into the ground. I say let ‘em burn.”
Toyota representatives appeared before a skeptical congressional committee to explain its plan designed to address the latest problems. “What the hell you going to do about it, that’s what I want to know,” queried Rep. Ben Chandler, D – Kentucky. “I got people screaming at me about this thing. And if my people ain’t happy, I’m not happy. Got it? I don’t want no excuses, you hear. I got an election coming up this year and I sure as hell don’t want you screwing up my chances for reelection. So you’re just going to have to sit there and listen to me act real angry for a while so my constituents think I’m doing something up here. And while were at it, where the hell is that campaign donation you promised me?”
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